if I survive

Today's struggle, or should I say yesterday's struggle because it is now after 1 am, has been working on my critique. A one-page critique, for me, should have been an absolute breeze, a walk in the park, a piece of cake, or other cliche analogy. I spent a good bit of time researching another article because the article I had intended to use is too old for the parameters of the assignment. Then, my next hurdle was to research what format to use, looking at all kinds of apa sites, examples, descriptions of annotated bibliographies, apa format for bibliographic entries. The bottom line is I am really tired and I feel like I am so out of the college loop. I am not sure the papers I am doing are in quite the correct format, according to APA style, but I am giving it my best shot. As near as I can figure, Dr. Nita just wants the bibliographic information in the APA format but the format of the critique is more loosely interpreted. At least that is my hope. If I am too far off base, I hope to find out before I attempt critique #2.

I've been working on this article since this morning--This is my day--Took kids to school, then Erik to Therapy, then Erik and Greg to Mom's for babysitting (thank you Mom), then back home to shower and make cupcakes and wrap gift for baby shower tonight, then to husband's school to drop off lunch, then back to Mom's to work on article for about 2 hours, then to pick up 3 oldest kids from school, then home and bring in 3 year old grumpy and crying because he needs a nap, then prepare supper, then scurry to church to set up for baby shower, frost cupcakes there and set up room for shower, then home, then kids to bed, then hug husband, then eat supper, then start work again on homework, then 4 hours later, I am going to bed. If I survive the next two years, I will have earned my degree (sigh).

I learned, I believe, . . . I ramble

In class last week, we did an activity that was geared toward helping us reflect on our experiences so far. I had a lot to say. I've had so much going on in my head that I have not gotten down on the computer screen, either in the blogs or the discussion boards. It isn't that I haven't wanted to; it has really been a time management issue for me. I am totally swamped with different things and people pulling me in different directions. I have had sick kids, I have a new and very time-consuming and important responsibility at church and all of these things are very important. I tend to take care of others first and leave me to last which has transferred to my schoolwork.

I am absolutely devastated by this, yet I know it is my choice to put these other things first. As a student, I have always had high expectations of myself and my work, and I have not even come close to meeting these expectations with my coursework so far this semester. I have allowed myself to get behind, but I am working on doing what I can to catch up. I have discovered in this process, that these classes do mean a lot to me. I am enjoying their content; I am enjoying learning about media center collections and technology. I feel I am making the right choice in a career change because I enjoy what I am learning and I feel like I have strengths that will be great assets to me in this profession. There have been other workshops and classes I have attended in the past where I just did it because I needed to for a requirement or because I was being made to attend a conference for teaching. At these times, I did the work but didn't have the intensity of feelings for the work that I do for these classes. Maybe it is because I have spent the last 8 years taking care of others (which I do not regret at all--my children are the "others" and I wouldn't trade my time with them when they are small) and I finally feel like I am doing something for me. Whatever the reason, I know I am doing the right thing by attending these classes and working on my degree. I just have to figure out a way to give the time I need to give in order to succeed.